Time Will Save You, You Don't Need To Save Yourself
by Ashfirebolt
Summary: The time that Tony ends up adopting Peter but it's not the happy event we all hoped for. (Kind of sequel to my other fic "I'm telling you he's not my son" but can easily be read by itself.)
1. Tired Eyes

_"Tired Eyes, Maybe you've seen too much"_

Peter's eyes lifelessly scanned the scene in front of him. The life had drained out of them before he even took in the scene in front of him. He just knew.

Yeah he had his spider senses and yeah they alerted him to danger before it happened but this time, it was too late.

This time the damage had already been done by the time the sinking feeling has manifested in his stomach. The hairs stood on his arm too late for him to do anything, to late to change what would happen.

Because Peter had lost everyone. His Mum, his Dad, Ben and now finally May.

He felt the lump in his throat. He knew that if he thought about it too much he would surely have a melt down. He would surely lose the plot.

But then again, what was one more thing lost in the grand scheme of things? If there really was a God above or if rebirth was a thing then Peter knew for sure he must have messed up in his previous life to deserve this. Surely only the worst of the worst deserved this kind of luck.

With all his special skills and what not, he was sure that he could protect May from everything and everyone but how do you protect someone from themselves?

You can't protect someone from illness by flying from building to building. With special web fluid. With super strength.

Leukaemia. It was an ugly word that disgusted Peter to even think about it.

Cancer is always something that happens to other people. It's always those sickly children in wards or characters in films or tv shows.

It's never you.

Until, it is.

May was always secretive about her health. She went to the doctor and came back and wouldn't discuss it. She didn't need to burden her nephew with it.

But he knew. He knew something had happened. So she eventually told him. Leukaemia. It explained the bruises and the temperature she seemed stuck with.

She had quite good odds as well as far as the cancer goes.

But what they weren't expecting was the chemo therapy to be the thing to kill her. That, was just cruel.

An allergic reaction to the thing that was supposed to heal her. The irony was twisted and cruel.

Everyone got sick after chemo, it was a side affect. And so Peter didn't think to take May to the hospital until it was really bad, really, really bad.

By that stage she was shaking like a leaf, frail and small. It had only been a few weeks since she was diagnosed and already she seemed worse for wear. Peter hated to see her like this.

When she was near passed out he called the ambulance, she wouldn't let him while she was fully conscious.

Just before the ambulance arrived she grabbed his hand and gave it a small squeeze. "I'm proud to call you my son." She said softly rubbing a circle onto the back of his hand.

"Don't say that like it's a goodbye." Peter had said, tears brimming in his eyes. "But, you were the best mother I could have dreamed of having after all that happened when I was little. Even if it wasn't biological." He said with a small laugh, not wanting to insult his own mother.

May had smiled as they had pushed her into the ambulance. The doors closed softly behind her as a paramedic squeezed Peter's shoulder. "Sorry kid, there's no room in the back for you, do you mind riding with me in the car?"

Peter really didn't want to but he didn't want to kick up a fuss near May. He gave a small nod. Now he wished he had fought a bit harder.

They were about 5 minutes from the hospital when the feeling started in his stomach. As he looked out the window a single white feather fell from the sky.

Next thing he knew, the paramedics walkie talkie was going mad, beeping with different people saying different codes. But Peter knew. He knew exactly what had happened.

He closed his eyes and waited to arrive. Waited for the words he had dreaded since he first understood the concept of death.

"May Parker, aged 45, pronounced dead upon arrival."

 _(So that is the prologue of the story. The title and lyric in italics is from the song Turin Brakes, Save You which is the song that inspired this fic along with some of the things me and my family are currently going through. I hope you enjoyed this first chapter and please leave a review with any thoughts you may have! Thanks for reading)_


	2. If you need me now, you know I am here

_"If you need me now, you know I am here, for the deepest scars disappear."_

Peter took a shaky breath, running his hand through his curly hair.

He knew that if May was here she'd demand he had a haircut. She hated when his hair got unruly.

She reckoned he look sloppy when his hair got long. Peter never admitted it but he actually liked when his hair was slightly longer and started to curl more, but he knew May would be happier with it short so he would get a haircut when she thought fit.

He wouldn't have to do that anymore.

A nurse had gone to check to see if Peter was ready to go in. To say goodbye properly by himself.

He had been in these shoes before.

Sitting on Uncle Bens knee with May running her hand through his hair, pretending not to notice the tears running down her face. Uncle Ben wasn't much better. Peter couldn't see him crying but he could feel his body shaking softly with sobs.

He went in and seen his parents lying side by side in twin coffins. Due to the plane crash very little of their bodies were on show but their faces remained their faces, despite the bruises that covered them.

Being as young as he was he didn't quite understand the concept of death but he knew that this would be the last time he would see his parents.

Ben lifted him up high enough to give both their foreheads a kiss. He did so gently before the undertaker entered the room to close the coffin.

It was awful, but he had May and Ben by his side and he didn't completely understand what was going on.

Then, ten years later he sat outside a near identical room with May crying softly at his side. His shoulder wet with her tears. This time death was much clearer to him.

He knew that death was the end and that Uncle Ben was no more. Understanding the concept didn't make it any easier.

Uncle Ben didn't even look like himself. He looked like someone was shown a picture of him for a minute and then had to make a wax doll from memory. There were similarities but all in all it was just off. It didn't look like his uncle.

It was awful but he had May by his side.

But this time, it was just him. The last remaining Parker. It was unbelievable that he would be orphaned twice before he was old enough to legally drink in Europe.

The nurse ushered him into the room before quietly letting herself out and leaving him alone his Aunt.

Peter considered speaking to her but what do you say? It wasn't like she was going to hear it? And if there was a way for her to come back as a ghost, he was sure she'd be able to hear his thoughts meaning he wouldn't even need to speak them aloud.

But maybe talking to a dead person wasn't for the dead person but instead for the person them self. So that they could tell them all the things they had wanted to say to each other.

But Peter didn't know what he wanted to say. May knew what she meant to him. She knew that he loved her like a son loved a mother. That he thought she was hilarious and brave and the worst cook he had ever met in his life. She knew all this.

So instead of speaking, Peter did the thing he had been wanting to do all day. He sat down and he cried.

He cried until his breath got gaspy and he felt like he couldn't draw another breath. He cried until his eyes stung and his throat ached. He cried until the top of his t-shirt was soaking wet.

And then he cried some more.

He cried for his parents, for Ben and for May. And he wasn't ashamed to admit that he cried for himself. He was alone.

Peter cried himself to sleep sitting in a chair that was far too uncomfortable to sit in. He was awoken with a nurse entering the room.

She gave him a sad smile. "We need to let the undertaker in now." She said softly.

Peter nodded, getting to his feet before bending over May and giving her a soft kiss of the forehead. "Goodbye May... I love you."

The nurse led him out to the hallway.

"I'll give you a few moments to call anyone you need to call." She told him. Peter gave a small nod.

Who could he call? He had no other family, no one at all. He couldn't call Ned, Ned was hardly able to take care of him, nor could MJ.

What about Tony? It was worth a shot.

Peter sighed as he took out his phone. Why would Tony want to help him. He was more of a hindrance to the man than a help.

But he had no one else to call.

 _"If you find yourself alone, with to need to call home"_

The phone rang while Tony was in the middle of updating one of it's suits.

"Hello?" He said glancing at the clock, 5 was early enough for Peter to be on patrol.

"Mr Stark?" Peter said.

"Obviously." Tony said rolling his eyes. "How may I help you Mr Parker? This better be important as I have my hands very full at the moment." He joked thinking it was another patrol question. Last time it was Peter wondering if he should let someone go because they were stealing for their family.

"You know what, it's fine, sorry to bother you Mr Stark." Peter said, he voice cracking as he spoke and hung up as quick as he could before Tony could reply.

Tony rolled his eyes at the kids shyness.

"Friday, find Peter's position for me please." He said in order to make sure the kid wasn't in the bad side of town.

"Mr Parker is not currently in his Spiderman suit. The suit remains in his bedroom."

Tony frowned at this. "Can you check through his phone?"

"Certainly, one moment sir." Friday replied calmly.

"Mr Parker is currently in The New Forest Memorial Hospital."

Tony froze. "He's where?"

Friday started to repeat herself but Tony didn't bother to listen as he was already assembling his suit in order to race to the hospital.


	3. Sorry eyes of those left behind

_Sorry eyes of those left behind_

It took Tony no time to reach the hospital, especially not in the suit. While he was flying he had Friday check out what section of the hospital Peter was in, so that he could arrive there and not have to waste time looking around for him.

When he entered the ward he took a quick glance around the room.

"Mr Stark?" A small voice said behind him.

Tony turned around to see Peter, standing there, looking for the first time in his life, his age. His intelligence and his bravery always made Tony add on another few years to the boy's life but standing before him was a child. A fifteen year old boy who looked like all the life had been sucked out of him.

His face was pale and his eyes were rimmed red. There were tear stains on his face and the top of his t-shirt was soaked through. His usually messy hair was worse than normal, standing in all directions.

"Peter, what happened kid?" Tony asked concerned scanning Peter for any injuries that seemed to be jumping out at him but the boy didn't appear to have any.

Peter took a deep breath. "May, she… she got sick and… she, she said not to say so I didn't and then, she, oh my god, she was so pale and.." At this point tears had started to stream down his face again but he didn't appear to notice. "She told me not to call, she begged, so I didn't and then… She passed out so I called and they came and… I didn't get to go with her… She's gone." Peter said before properly breaking down into heaving sobs that seemed to wrack his entire body.

Tony wasn't sure exactly what had happened but he got the important bit. May had died and the kid was in pieces. Tony was never a very affectionate person. He hadn't been raised to be. But he did the one thing he had wished someone had done for him when his parents had passed.

He comforted him.

He pulled him into a tight hug, gently rubbing his back. It broke his heart to see the kid like that. The normally perky up-beat boy was falling apart and it killed him a little.

When Peter finally stepped back rubbing his eyes he gave Tony a small smile.

"Guess this is good bye Mr Stark." Peter said tiredly, every bone in his body feeling weary.

Tony frowned at him. "What do you mean kid?"

"Well, god knows where they're going to ship me off, chances are I won't be able to keep up the 'internship', and we won't really have any reason to see each other anymore. So I just want to thank you, for... for everything, the suit and for Karen and just everything." Peter said to him with a small nod. "Also, you can keep the suit, I probably won't have a chance to use it anymore."

Tony looked bewildered. "Ship you off? Kid please tell me you're not serious."

"Well what else can they do with me?!" Peter exclaimed. "I have no other family. No one. I'm completely alone, I'm underage and I can't afford to look after myself. The nurse said there would be a social worker around to me later to discuss my options but lets me real, I'll be carted off to some foster home in the back ass of nowhere until I turn 18 and then I'll be sent out on my own. It's the way things happen to people like me. People who have no one." Peter had started off sounding passionate but as he continued he seemed to lose steam and he just ended up sounding tired again.

"Social worker? Kid are you for real?" Tony said. "Do you remember that time you had an allergic reaction? When I had to take you to the hospital and they said they would refuse you treatment unless a guardian was here to give consent?" Tony asked and Peter gave a small nod.

"Well, when I told May about that, she was furious when she heard you may have died had it not been for me lying to the hospital." Tony said.

Peter gave a watery laugh. "I thought she was going to beat that doctor up when he tried to explain it to her."

"Well after that, we both got talking and May seemed worried about what would happen to you if she were ever to pass away. This was probably when she got sick but she didn't mention that." Tony started to explain. "We both decided that the best thing to do would be for you to have a second guardian. Backup. She asked me if I would do it. I said yes." Tony stated.

Peter was silent, not seeming to know what to say.

"I promised her that if anything were to happen, I would take you in. Because Peter let's face it, you were the closest thing to a child I've ever had, so why would I say no."

"You're my guardian?" Peter asked confused. "But- Why didn't either of you tell me?"

"Well I didn't want to tell you because I doubted anything would happen to May and that it was just a precaution. I also wanted as little people to know as possible so that you wouldn't have a target on your head. May agreed.

"So, technically, you're legally my guardian?" Peter asked, still trying to get his head around it.

"Yep, all the papers are signed. May also made it part of her will." Tony said, wincing at the look of pain on Peter's face.

Suddenly Peter sat forward and groaned slightly.

"What's wrong?" Tony asked concerned looking at the boy.

"The amount of people that asked if I was your son just for all this to happen." Peter said with a tiny grin.

"I'm telling you, he's not my son." Tony smirked


	4. Say goodbye to the songs we held dear

_Say goodbye to the songs and the old dreams we held dear_

With May it had always felt easy. Peter would just say things and she would roll with it. He would say "I larb you." As a joke and she would keep it going for months.

She was forever bringing up things that they had laughed about months beforehand which would make Peter giggled uncontrollably. It was what they did. She would turn on some horrible song on the radio that had come out years before Peter was even in the works and she would sing her heart out and force Peter to dance around the kitchen with her.

Peter always made a big show of being reluctant but deep down (not that deep in all honesty) he really loved it. May was an awful singer but it never stopped her from belting out all the lyrics into a wooden spoon.

When the power would go out due to some sort of storm or hurricane (Or when they just couldn't pay their electricity bills), they would light some candles and sit around playing cards or board games. Peter always loved the game Rummy.

It was a game of luck, as most card games were but he liked it because his brain would never work too hard trying to figure out how he should best play it but for some reason May just always had the better luck. More times than not the game would be won on the first deal. (She was also awful at shuffling but Peter pretended not to notice.

She liked to play checkers although once she had kinged her first piece she would just move in and out of the corner until in the end Peter would admit defeat and tell her she won. She always liked those moments. She would jump up in the air, causing all the candles to flicker at once and start singing, 'we are the champions' although she would always change it to say 'May is the champion."

Peter missed her. He missed her with a dull ache and every time he thought of her, he got a painful sinking feeling in his stomach as though something was going wrong, a gut feeling almost. Except things had already gone wrong. Things were already broken beyond repair, especially Peter, he thought.

Tony was good to Peter. He always offered him food because he knew that him and May couldn't afford to keep up with his bigger appetite. He offered to pay him for his 'internship' but Peter refused. He didn't want money for lying. Even though the longer it went on, the more Tony realised that Peter was basically an intern. He was smarter than one anyway, and he could keep up with all the different formula's that were thrown at him.

So instead Tony would give Peter objects as payment and pretend that that wasn't what he was doing. "Oh Peter, these shoes I ordered that look exactly like the ones you wanted are too small for me, maybe they'll fit you?"

Peter knew exactly what he was doing. He wasn't stupid. But he also knew that he could do with the shoes and they were already bought so it would do him no harm to use them. He needed new shoes anyway.

But, at the same time, things weren't as easy with Tony. Peter felt like he needed to think about what he was going to say before he said it to him. And even still it would end up stuttery and nervous sounding. He hated himself for always calling him "Mr Stark" despite the man's protests but he couldn't bring himself to just say Tony. The words just wouldn't come out of his mouth.

He never wanted to point out a mistake that Tony had made because he didn't want to offend the man.

But despite all this, he knew that Tony did care for him as a son or if not a son than maybe a nephew at least.

Peter had thought through all this while sitting in the chair outside Mays room. Tony was on the phone discussing things with his lawyer so that he could inform the hospital that Peter would be going with him and that he would arrange the funeral.

The word made Peter sick. Funerals were depressing the things that were for old people that had already lived their lives. May was still young despite events like having to take in Peter aging her years.

Tony also called Happy, telling him to pick up some of Peters things from the apartment, promising Peter he would take him over there in a day or two to collect all the things he needed, but at the moment he didn't feel ready to go next or near the house, knowing that May wouldn't be there.

"Ready to go champ?" Tony asked when he finally finished on the phone.

Peter looked up and silently nodded. He didn't feel like he even had the energy to speak. He felt so emotionally tired and empty. Tony gave him a small smile, concerned at the lack of energy the boy displayed.

Tony led him through the hospital to the back where Happy had parked. A small rucksack of Peter's things sat in the back.

"Everything alright?" Happy asked sounding slightly worried, having just been told to get clothes for Peter and then to head straight to the hospital.

Peter didn't reply and just slid into the car and Tony caught his eye and shook his head slightly to tell Happy not to mention it.

Happy felt slightly concerned but he did as he was told and just started the car.

Peter didn't speak and just sat quietly in the backseat looking out the window. Tony kept a close eye on him.

When they were pulling up to compound Tony noticed that Peter had fallen asleep. He pressed his finger to his lip to tell Happy to be quiet. Silently he handed the rucksack over to Happy and gently lifted the boy up and out of the car.

If Happy was surprised at the action he didn't show it on his face following behind him.

Tony had texted Pepper from the hospital and got her to make sure there a room ready for Peter, explaining the situation in as little words as possible. Pepper had been devastated to hear about May but had been a professional and got the room ready for him.

She met Tony in the living quarters and led him to the room she had prepared, that was just down the corridor from their own room. She knew that Tony wouldn't want to be too far away from the boy in case he needed him at any point during the night.

The corner of the bed was unfolded down so Tony could easily place the boy into the bed. Thankfully he was still a lanky thing so he wasn't too heavy but still Tony's arms were happy to get rid of the excess weight.

Tony brushed Peter's hair back gently trying to unconsciously comfort the boy, before leaving the room to explain to Happy what had been going on and why Peter had been at the hospital.

He left Peter in the room. Alone with his dreams where everything was going fine. Where he still had his life somewhat together. Where he still had May.

 _((Hey guys! The lyric at the start is from the song 'Run with me' by Hudson Taylor! You should check out the song if you don't know it! Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I would also like to thank everyone who favourited, followed and reviewed, it honestly keeps me going knowing that there are people out there, from different corners of the world reading and enjoying something I wrote. It's just surreal, so once again thank you so much!))_


	5. We're all in it for the long run

_We're all in it for the long run_

Peter ended up sleeping for around thirteen hours. Tony had Friday check a couple of times to check the boy was still alive in the room, but made no move to wake him. He knew for experience that losing a loved one could be one of the most emotionally draining things that you could experience and that no matter how long you slept for you still felt exhausted and drained the next day. It was a strange symptom of the bodies' grief, and it didn't make itself any easier.

While he was asleep, himself and Pepper discussed the guardianship of Peter. They both agreed that he had to stay with them because other than a foster home that was the only option. And there was no way Tony was letting that happen.

"Well, then, congratulations, it's a boy." Pepper laughed over at Tony

"Not exactly how I thought we would have our first child but it could be worse. The child could be half you and worse again, half me. At least now there won't be any alcoholic tendency's with this one. At least not genetically. And he's smart enough to be ours when you think about it." Tony said.

"Peter is a good child. I would be proud to have raised him from birth, if this was how he turned out. He'll be great. He's near enough your son already. I mean everyone who meets him with you automatically just thinks he's your illegitimate son anyway."

"So, it's settled then. I'll call my lawyer over tomorrow and we can officially adopt him. Well we need to tell him first but then we can make it official." Tony said looking through the document that May had asked him to sign. The one that put Peter under his care. There was a few things she had written down. Suggestions as to how she wanted Peter to be raised but she had made it clear that he didn't need to go with them all. Just as long as her nephew was properly cared for.

"Good thing you bought back the tower." Pepper said looking down at the request to keep Peter in the school he was currently in.

Tony nodded along with her. "I wouldn't want to pull him away from the school, it's where his 'boy in seat' or whatever they call it is. It wouldn't be far to them."

Pepper nodded and stood up giving him a small kiss on the cheek. "I better get back to work, I'll be back later and we can all have dinner together or something to try and give him some semblance or normality."

And just like that she was away but Tony could still hear the click of her heels going down the hallway.

After she left he was unsure of what to do with himself. What did parents do? The funeral was organised and everything else was sorted. He decided that food was the next best option.

He wasn't sure what Peters favourite comfort food was but he also knew that the boy would eat anything put in front of him. That would have to do until he figured out what the boy liked to eat.

So instead he just made what he decided to make his own favourite, hoping that the kid liked it. French toast with cinnamon. Okay to be completely honest it was the only thing he actually knew how to make but even still, it tasted quite nice and would be ready in less than ten minutes.

Peter was just stirring in the bed when the smell of food made his stomach growl. He couldn't remember when he had last eaten.

He had forgotten for a second when he had woken up, what the events of yesterday had been. He had forgotten that May had died and that Tony had to collect him from the hospital.

He wasn't sure how long it would have taken him to realise this wasn't his room had it not been for two things.

For one, his bed had never felt this soft, this comfy. That was the first major giveaway. It was also spacious which was something he never had at home because of the simple matter that they didn't have the room. Before Peter's parents died, Ben had used the small room as an office that he and May shared. But when Peter came along they changed it into a little room hoping that someday they could afford to move to somewhere with two bedrooms but then Ben passed away and all their savings were spent on the funeral. It made Peter feel guilty to this day despite them telling him repeatedly that they would have it no other way.

The second giveaway was that there was a smell of food in the air and it smelled homemade and lovely, something that May, god bless her, had never really achieved. Her food was usually burnt or undercooked and it was never very enjoyable to eat.

Suddenly the events of the day before came crashing back into Peters head and he realised that that was why his eye felt sore and he still felt exhausted.

With a sigh Peter realised he better get out of bed and figure out exactly where he was and what was going on.

Just as he got out of bed Friday decided to speak. "Good Morning Peter." Peter took a jump not expecting to hear anyone talk but at least it answered the where he was question.

"Morning Friday, where is Mr Stark?" He asked his voice slightly croaky from the sleep.

"Mr Stark is in the kitchen, would you like me to show you the way?" Fridays replied but Peter shook his head. "Nah, I'll find it, thanks Friday."

Following his nose moreso than anything it only took Peter a minute or two to figure out exactly where the kitchen was. Tony was still cooking, humming slightly under his breath as he did so.

"Mr Stark?" Peter asked timidly. Tony turned around and gave Peter a small smile.

"Hey Kid, you nearly missed a day there. I was actually just about to go in and wake you. What's your thoughts on French toast?" He asked.

Peter nodded not sure what to say. "I like it Mr Stark."

"Good, well grab a seat , it's just about ready. What do you want to drink? Tea, coffee, orange juice?"

"Water will be fine, thanks." Peter said.

"Well the glasses are in that cupboard there and I have some water in the fridge chilling so you can just grab some. Oh could you get the orange juice out for me too please and a glass." Tony said his attention going back to the cooking as Peter nodded going to get the drinks.

The fridge he noticed immediately was severally lacking. There were a few eggs, some milk and orange juice and water but other than that there wasn't much else there.

"Sorry Kid, I have to head to the store this evening to get some groceries, feel free to come along and you can pick out whatever you like." Tony explained as he dished out the toast onto two plates and carried it over to the island unit where Peter had left the drinks. "Well eat up kid."

Immediately Peter could see that there was far more food on his plate than Tony's which made him feel bad but he was starving so he dug in hungrily.

They ate in silence before Peter could finally work up the courage to say what had been playing on his mind since the night before.

"Mr Stark, I just want to say, you don't actually have to look after me. I know you probably feel pressured into it because of May and all but I just want you to know you don't have to. I'll get a job or something and maybe if I could stay here until then it would be great but don't worry I don't actually expect you to be like responsible for me. I'm already so thankful for everything you've done so far. You've been too good, but I know that this isn't what you or Miss Potts really wanted so if I could just stay for a week or so that would be great but if not, I'm sure I can stay with Ned for a few days until I get something sorted out." Peter ranted as Tony looked at him incredulously.

"Kid, please tell me you're not serious?" Tony asked raising an eyebrow. "Peter, I'm not looking after you as a favour to May. It's because I want to. You know that right? Myself and Pepper were going to talk to you about this at dinner but seen as you're worried I'll tell you now. We were going to ask you if you wanted us to adopt you?" Tony said to Peter who turned his head in shock.

"We both care about you and we think that the easiest way to handle this for all of this is to adopt you. We wouldn't want to replace May or your uncle or your parents. Of course not. But us adopting you just means we'll have more rights and be allowed a lot more say in your life. Like if we want to take you abroad we'll be allowed. But we only want to do it, if you want us to."

"Adopt me?" Peter asked his eyes wide. Tony nodded. "Of course kid."

"But… but you don't have to do that."

"I know, but we want to. I mean I need someone to leave Stark industries to and who better than a someone who has 'interned' there and understands the work we do there. Would that be okay with you kid?"

It took Peter a few minutes to find his words but he nodded. "I think it would Mr Stark."


	6. Because even awake, nightmares plague me

_Because even awake, nightmares plague me_

The next few days passed as a blur for Peter. It was terrible, that was all he knew, but he didn't cry, or at least not in front of people.

The funeral was the only exception to the rule. He allowed himself to shed a tear or two as he heard people go up one by one telling memories of his Aunt. Ask him now what was said and he couldn't tell you a word of it but he knew it was all good. No one had a bad word to say about her.

Tony had organised the whole lot. He had been given May's will and due to that he had to ask Peter very little about what she wanted. That was weight off Peter's shoulders at least. It meant he could stay in his bubble of grief for a little bit more. Which was good. He didn't feel like acting human.

He contains all his tears until he was finally allowed to be by himself. He would tell Tony he was going to bed not long after dinner. Then he would like in bed for hours letting the grief wash over him. The grief of losing May, Ben, his mum and his dad, his family. He would cry silently until his eyes were red and ached and finally he would fall into a fitfall sleep full of nightmares.

But funnily enough, the nightmares weren't the worst nights. Don't let that fool you. The nightmares were awful. He would wake up panting and shaking, not sure which way was up and which was down. He thankfully didn't scream, he didn't want to wake anyone else up.

It always took him a while to get his breathing back to normal. It was like the aftermath of a panic attack, or at least what Peter's panic attacks were like. It was exhausting but Peter didn't want to go back to sleep. He couldn't.

But no, the nightmares weren't the worst. The dreams were. The dreams in which he would come home from school, have dinner with May and just talk to her. They were unbelievably real and he would wake up, ready to tell her all about it and then realise that it was all in his head. He couldn't talk to her anymore. That was the worst bit. And then he would cry and fall asleep again eventually.

Peter guessed he was getting maybe 3-4 interrupted hours of sleep a night, if even. He would then get up early and try his best not to be a burden to Tony. He would make breakfast for them all even though he wasn't a great cook but he knew that Tony more than likely didn't want him there so he wanted to be as little as a burden as possible.

After they ate he would do the cleaning up despite Tony having a dishwasher and a robot that he had trained up to do that exact job. But Tony let him be, not wanting to upset the boy. He would sit quietly 'reading' on the sofa but he would tidy if seen anywhere that looked like it needed to be tidied. Then he would help with lunch, tidy up, read, help with dinner, tidy up and make his way to his room as quickly as possible, shower and spend hours trying to fall asleep and actually stay asleep.

Easier said than done.

But today was different. He had gotten less sleep than normal, even for him so when he woke up he had dark bags under his eyes that were nearly bruises they were dark. His hair was going every direction with curls framing his forehead. He was still wearing his pyjama bottoms and just threw a grey t-shirt on and walked out rubbing his eyes. He felt like a zombie.

He was so tired that he almost didn't realise that there was someone else in the room when he first entered. It was only when he spoke that Peter took a jump and noticed him. That was strange, his spider sense should have told him.

"Hey there son."

Peter looked and found Captain America sitting at the island unit with a small smirk on his face looking over the dishevelled look that Peter had going on.

"Mr America, Captain sir." Peter stammered out. "What.. Does Tony know you're here?" Peter asked.

Steve shook his head. "He knows I was going to come for a visit some day but we didn't set a date and I know what Tony is like so I just decided to drop by unannounced because if I had to wait for him to give me a date, it would take far too long."

"Oh, I understand sir." Peter said bowing his head.

"What are you doing here? The internship run late or something?" Steve asked with laugh and a small wink, knowing that Peter wasn't actually an intern.

"Something like that." Peter murmured quietly. "Do you want breakfast sir?"

"Call me Steve, and depends, what is it that you're making?" Steve asked.

Peter shrugged. "Eggs and toast maybe. Mr Stark and Ms Potts seem to like that the best."

"Sounds good to me. Do you want some help?"

"No, no Mr Steve, it's not hard."

Peter set about cooking and getting plates out and setting the table but he continued to refuse help from Steve whenever the man asked.

Peter was just dishing up when Tony arrived. "Smells good Pete, what's on the menu… Steve! You didn't say you were dropping by." He said grinning over to the man.

"Well, we discussed it last week and I just decided to take matters into my own hands." Steve grinned. "Peter has been helping to entertain me. I didn't know you could get interns to make your breakfast, is that a special deal that I don't know about or something?" Steve grinned.

Peter blushed and turned his head away from them so they couldn't see him, not wanting to hear Tony tell that man about the poor little orphan boy he was forced into taking care of.

Tony noticed Peter's embarrassment so he just grinned at Steve. "Yeah well of course they wouldn't do it for you, me on the other hand though."

Steve grinned and they both started chatting as they ate. After Peter ate he quickly cleaned up before running out of the room as casually as he could. He didn't want to intrude on the chat that was going on or even worse, to become a part of the conversation. It just wasn't for him.

Steve waited a few minutes after the boy disappeared before raising and eyebrow. "Not that it's any of my business but why is he here? And why is he being so quiet?"

Tony sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Hold on a sec." He murmured. "Friday, is Peter in his room?"

"Yes, Mr Parker is currently sitting on his bed, would you like me to get him for you?" Friday asked.

"No, that's fine, just let me know if he gets within earshot." Tony said.

Previously, while they were testing just how good Peters skills were, the measured his hearing. Afterwards, Tony programmed Friday with it so that if he ever needed Peter to not hear something, he would know when he was within earshot.

"His aunt died last week." Tony said softly. "He called me from the hospital, had nowhere else to go, no more family. I had to do something, I couldn't just leave him there."

Steve appeared shocked. "So you adopted a teenager?"

"Not yet!" Tony snapped. "But if need be, I will. Pepper and I always talked about kids, why not skip all the disgusting bits when we have the opportunity?"

"Look Ton, I don't want to offend you or anything, it's just, they're not dogs, or robots. You actually need to properly take care of kids."

Suddenly Tony sighed, seeming like the fight had drained out of him. "I know that, honestly I'm at a loss, he barely speaks, flinches every time someone outright speaks to him. He just keeps cleaning and cooking and he acts like he's afraid we'll kick him out every time he has to ask for something. He looked pertafied when he asked if we had any shampoo left and offered to pay me back for it, despite him not having a job. I'm honestly worried about him." Tony confessed.

Steve was taken aback at this confession. "He's adjusting Tony, you probably don't remember how you were after your parents died but I'm sure you reacted just as badly as him."

"Yeah but she was his only family left. He feels completely alone I'd say and he's too nervous to actually talk to us. I honestly don't know what to do."

"I think you need him to talk to someone. Sam would do a good job I'd say."

"Maybe you're right, thanks Steve." Tony sighed. "I just want him to feel comfortable here."

"Give his time, he'll get there." Steve said. "Besides, look at you. I left you alone for five minutes and you actually became an adult."

And with that, Tony chucked a pillow at his head.


	7. Everyone can master grief

_Everyone can master grief but he who has it_

Over the next few weeks, Peter went through all five stages of grief. Denial of course came first.

In his mind and heart, Peter knew that he would never see May again and yet there seemed to be some part of him that hoped that someone would create a cure for death and she would walk in the door. Or maybe it was another May Parker that had died who just looked like May but May had actually just gone somewhere for a little while and would be back soon.

Peter knew in his heart of hearts that this wasn't true. So he didn't speak these thoughts aloud. But they were still there. He knew he was in denial, he was a scientist at the end of the day but it didn't make it make any more sense as to why he felt this way. Tony asked him if he wanted anything to make his room more his. Inside Peter decided it didn't need to be his because he'd be back in his own room in Queens as soon as May came back. But to Tony he just shook his head and said the room was perfect.

But Peter knew she wasn't coming back and he just had accept the fact he'd never see her, hear her voice again

Anger came next and boy, did it come. It started off small. Peter was making tea and the kettle wasn't boiling fast enough. Anger shot through him and he powered off the kettle and stormed into his room.

Then when he was out walking, anger overtook him. Anger directed towards May and he felt like he would explode if it wasn't released from his. He started kicking stones with as much power as he could muster. He only stopped when he almost hit a car. Shame washed over him.

The next time that anger took over him he went down to the gym and began working out. He ran and punched and climbed with as much power as he could until he was so tired that he just couldn't find it in him to be angry anymore. That was the first time he had a dreamless sleep.

Tony wasn't exactly happy to watch him work himself into exhaustion but the way things had been going he had just been happy to see the boy actually doing something, showing emotion of some sort. So he left him to it, deciding that he would keep an eye on him and if need be, send him to therapy of some sort.

Then came the bargaining. He ran through the what ifs in his mind a million and one times. What if they had money? What if it was him instead of her? What if he did more? What could he have done differently? Likewise with the rest of the stages, all of this was done internally. He didn't want anyone to know his thought process.

He just wanted it all to stop. That's probably why the bargaining turned so easily into the depression. It was like there was a fog covering Peter's heart. He was being suffocated by the intense feeling of grief and loss. Time didn't make sense. He didn't know and more to the point he didn't care anymore.

Whoever came up with 'life goes on' must have been a different breed to Peter because, Peter didn't even care if life did go on because May's had stopped and by default, so had his. Peter felt like his heart would never mend. That this pain would last forever.

And if he was to be honest, he knew the pain would never fade. It was just that sometimes he would feel it so much. That some days it would be like this massive stone causing him to sink lower and lower into the pool grief. But he knew with time, the stone would only be a pebble, and that while he'd never be light enough to get out of the pool but that he would just float at the waters surface. He knew that some days, his head would still go under the water, but that those times would get fewer the longer it got away from it.

He knew this, but it didn't help him in the moment. It's like going skydiving. People always say 'It's fine once you start falling' but until you start falling it is a torture of a knotted stomach and that feeling of doom.

But it all led into the fifth stage. Peter accepted that May was gone. That he would never see her again. He accepted the pain that he had still felt from his parents, from Ben and knew that May's would just join them. He accepted the loss.

He wasn't okay.

He was far from okay.

But he didn't need to be. Not yet anyway. And he had had enough.

He went up to Tony one afternoon. He had cabin fever.

"Mr Stark?" Peter asked. "Do you have a second?"

Tony looked up at the boy in surprise. It was one of the first times he had approached the man first and spoken without being spoken to. "Of course Pete, what's up?"

Peter took a deep breath. "I want to go back to the apartment. Get my stuff, keep what I need and donate the rest. There's no point putting it off any longer."

Tony raised an eyebrow in surprise at him. "You sure you're ready for this? You don't have to rush into it. The rent is covered. You can take your time."

Peter shook his head. "No Mr Stark, the longer I leave it, the worse it's going to feel when I see it. Right now, I'm trying to deal with everything, but I can't because things aren't normal. I'm not at home, I'm not at school. It's like I've come up here for a holiday but life is still waiting for me. And I need to go to Queens so that I can see that things are different. So that I can move on and figure out what's meant to be normal. Please Tony."

Tony started nodding wiping his hands with the cloth. "Of course Peter, whatever you need kid. I'll call Happy and get him to bring the car around. Leave here in fifteen?" Tony asked happy that the boy seemed to be showing a bit more passion.

Peter nodded and went to turn away when Tony called him back.

"Oh and Pete? Now that you seem to have figured out my name, try not to forget it, kay?" Tony called.

Peter turned and gave him one of the first genuine smiles he had done it what felt like months before turning and leaving the room again.


	8. The Wardrobe Left Ajar

**The Wardrobe Left Ajar**

And so, Peter and Tony did the journey to Queens. It was a short enough journey but, it felt both like hours and minutes to Peter. He was nervous and he didn't want to reach the apartment but at the same time, he just wanted it to be over and done with.

When they parked outside the building neither of the men moved. Tony was waiting for Peter to make the first move, and Peter was trying to find the will to leave the car. He tapped at his legs nervously while taking deep breaths. He barely noticed the silence in the car but to Tony, it was deafening. Peter opened his bag with shaky hands until he drew out the key. He twirled it a few times in his hands before nodding at Tony and reaching for the handle.

"Peter…" Tony started but he stopped after Peter shook his head.

"No, I need to do this." Peter said opening the door.

The walk to the building took just as long. Peter kept his eyes down, for fear that he may see one of his neighbours and would completely breakdown and need to leave. And one way or another, he was doing this today. He had to.

Everything was familiar. The walls he had grown up looking at. The stairs he had slid down on his bum and a child. The lift that would work half the time. The doors he used to knock on before running away giggling.

Peter kept a mental tally in his head as he walked. It helped him remain calm. Or at least, calmer.

All of a sudden, there he was, standing outside his door. He slid the key in and turned, taking a breath before pushing the door open and closing his eyes.

The smell immediately hit him. Lavender and lemon. May loved the smell so she always had candles burning. There was a slight medicinal smell to the room. Mays medicine. That one hurt.

Peter slowly looked around. Everything looked the same as it had when they had left that day. Peters sliders he wore around the house slewn by the door.

A newspaper, the date being the day before that day.

A mug in the sink, a ring of tea dried into the bottom of it. A receipt on the table for the sandwich Peter had bought earlier.

Mays dressing gown slung across the chair.

Peter stepped inside the door. The welcome mat squashing under his feet. Muscle memory kicked in as Peter slid off his shoes and left the key in the bowl by the door.

The room was the exact same as before. But how could everything have changed so much? The last time Peter was in this room, he wasn't happy per se, but he had May and right now he couldn't imagine not being anything but happy if she was there.

Out of habit, Peter poked his head into May's room, to check to see if she was there. Obviously, she wasn't. Peter opened the door to his room. Things were slightly different than he remembered but obviously, someone came in to take Peters stuff out to take it up to him. He walked past, letting his hand gently skim across his desk. There was his rubbish laptop. He missed it. His school books, that he had purposely not thought about. His wardrobe was firmly closed, an indicator that it wasn't him that had last closed it. That brought a smile to Peters' face. That was one of the most frequent arguments between him and May Peter never closed his drawers or wardrobe. He thought it wasted too much time when he had to grab something.

He had forgotten he wasn't alone until Tony cleared his throat softly behind him. He caught eyes with the man.

"How do you want to do this?" Tony asked gently ."Do you want to pack up this stuff for storage?" He asked. "The apartment is yours, you don't need to move anything but if there's anything you want to take with you, we can help you pack."

"My clothes." Peter said softly. "My stuff. Pictures of me and my family. May, Ben." He said looking around. "But, leave May's room. I want that to stay as it is."

Tony nodded. "I have some boxes in the car. I'll go get it. If you want to start pulling clothes out, I can fold and box it for you."

Peter just nodded, pulling the wardrobe door open. Everything was neat. Definitely not his doing.

He began pulling his t-shirts out. Hoodies. He threw in one shirt but left the rest. It wasn't too often he needed a shirt. He added a few tracksuit bottoms to the pile, joined by a few pairs of trousers and jeans. Shoes were next. Peter cringed slightly at the shape of them. Holes up by the big toe, the soles coming apart.

He decided to keep the best ones and left the rest there.

He moved on to his desk glancing through the items both on top of the desk and the items in the drawers.

He decided he would take his laptop and a few gadgets he had laying around. Memory sticks, books he enjoyed. His age-old tablet that May had found for half nothing at a junk sale. It was as slow as could be but Peter could still see her face when he opened it for his birthday. The first birthday without Ben. She had smiled so brightly at him, so excited that even though things weren't good, and money was tight, she still got her nephew a present he would appreciate.

That meant it was treasured to Peter, Even after it would stop working, it was still going to be one of his most prized birthday presents. He powered it on smiling at the wallpaper he had chosen.

It was him and May wearing stupid Santa hats at Christmas. Only their eyes upward were visible in the picture. May had hated the picture, which was all the more reason for Peter to choose it as his wallpaper. She kept telling him he wasn't allowed to put it on facebook. Not that Peter ever posted on Facebook. He just silently observed the stuff that other people posted, not feeling the need to contribute. Much like how he had been the past few weeks in Tony's apartment. And in school for that matter.

Peter barely noticed Tony returning and beginning to pack up the clothes Peter had thrown on the ground. "Oh, sorry Mr… Tony. I'll help in just one second." He said feeling guilty that he had been looking at the tablet instead of helping.

He grabbed his school bag from where he had left it, leaning against the desk and slipped all the technical stuff into it. He looked around the room. He didn't really care about much else in the room. There were a few hair products. School woodwork and metalwork projects littered across the room. A wooden boat he had made in first year. It was in rough shape.

The only other thing he cared about was pictures. Albums and frames. He couldn't bear to lose them. It gave him an idea.

"Tony, can I ask a favour?" Peter asked looking up at the man. The billionaire who was currently on his knees folding a stupid pun t-shirt. (If you believe in telekinesis, raise my right hand). In fairness, it was a funny sight.

"Course kid, what is it?" Tony asked, glad that the boy felt he could ask for things.

"See the pictures we hav- I have, would you be able to scan them in so that I can back them up in the cloud. Or even if you could just let me borrow your scanner, whichever is easiest. I promise I won't damage anything."

"Obviously that's fine," Tony said. "I've done that with all my pictures. The tower was attacked too often. Too much of a chance that it could all be destructed." He said grinning.

"Thanks." He smiled. "All I need to get now is the pictures and then that's all."

Tony looked around at the few belongings that Peter has chosen to take. "Is that all you want kid? We have loads of boxes. Honestly take as much as you need."

Peter shrugged. "I don't really care about much else. They're just things."

Tony shrugged. "Up to you kid. If you want to come down here anytime just shout. We can get you down here in a flash."

"Thanks Tony." Peter said. "For everything. I know I've not been the easiest this past while so thank you for putting up with me."

"Kid, you honestly couldn't be easier if you tried. I want you to be comfortable. However that happens, doesn't matter."

Peter smiled and the two of them finished boxing in silence. As Peter walked of the apartment, wardrobe door left ajar, with all his belongings in his arms he felt two things. He felt emotionally drained, as is to be expected, but he also felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Like he wanted to cry but he also didn't really need to. But, it was the lightest he had felt in a while.


End file.
